I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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