The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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