I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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