She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
