You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
