It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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