Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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