She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
