I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
