I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
