do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
