Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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