i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
