he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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