there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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