There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
