I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
