he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
