you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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