Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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