Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
