There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
