OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said her name was "party"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
