I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
