kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is wine microwaveable?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
