This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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