You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
