Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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