What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
