Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
