Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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