bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize