are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
