Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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