wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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