At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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