what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
