My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
