please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
