he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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