oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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