Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize