Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
