It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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