Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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