if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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