Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
