My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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