Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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