does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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