bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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