I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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