It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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