So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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