Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
