WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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