I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
