I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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