I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize