Can Purell be used as lube?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
