i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
