You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We got so high we made milksteak
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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