Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my shit smells like andre
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
