even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
