My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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