1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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