Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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