Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
