I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
