its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
