so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
