Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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