best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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