WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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