She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
