and she was petting her beer can
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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