she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
