Already got asked if we're dating
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
