Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize