I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
