I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just invented taco cereal.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
