Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
