Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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